1/21/10

Just one of those days...

hating life. Hating everyone.
Feeling too fat, too ugly. Too negative.

Frustrated not having the words to articulate and express what I feel deep down in my gut...

worst part is there isn't anyone to tell.

No understanding, but I don't think there ever really is real understanding. Empathy. That's all anyone can do, empathize.

You aren't in my head and I'm not in your head. If you were, you wouldn't be sitting here.

Instead running for the door, because I can't say or spew half of what I'm feeling. Thinking. Carrying around.

If I had the power, I'd project everything onto you...someone, anyone.


SCREAM out into the open, send it into the universe. Wishing it would come back and hit me TEN fold. Dead, undone.

Everyone wishes something was different about someone...or that someone loved them more or forgot them faster.

I couldn't have "picked" a better family...maybe a little more open-minded and accepting...

but that's life right??


How can you regret things you've done in your past, if they helped you find the ONE constant in your life?? The one person you can always depend on, the one person that no matter how hard I push, stays the same, neverchanging. Always giving so much love, that I feel like it's unreal.

Like accepting it fills you with guilt and questioning, because to know someone so selfless seems too much like a dream.


Today is one of those days, it's tiring. I'm faltering, hard.